Friday, October 25, 2013

Did you know Star Wars was a movie?

I learned a lot by watching films, including respect. So for me, Star Wars today is like Weekend at Bernies. A rotting corpse being dragged around in exchange for personal gain and profit. Darth Vader isn't a complex and creative character any longer, he's a logo boiled down to just his head. That's all that's needed. Boba Fett, R2-D2, The Millennium Falcon, are all now symbols of two words that mean more in dollars in merchandising than the films themselves. You can't even buy the original films anymore. The original work that broke ground and won awards has been glossed over by a team of chinese sweatshop animators for the sake of keeping them POPULAR, not preserved. Keeping bernie's dead, rigor mortise ridden arm waving at passersby on the beach. If I had a kid and I wanted to explain to them the difference between art and a logo, between creativity and merchandising, between inspiring and patronizing, Star Wars would be the perfect candidate for both.

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Apple keeps doing what it does best. Murdering People.

Once again old news is new news. For about 5 years we Action Rangers have been doing our best to make light of Apples and Foxconn's offenses. The awful conditions, the long hours, the abuses, the death by poison, overworking, EXPLOSIONS, and suicide. We told you about how each time Apple said the SAME GODDAMN THING EVERY TIME! They act shocked and appalled and deny it and say they'll fix it. THEN it happens again and they say it all again and no one seems to want to put two and two together! This time 60 minutes and the New York Times noticed it and it got some national press, THEN within a week its now old news again. Huffington Post has already begun running their Juicy Apple Rumors story again like nothing happened. We in our anger emailed that "reporter" on his assfacedness.

Hello, I was just perusing the Tech section of the Huffington Post and I was appalled at how all the stories concerning Foxconn are gone, and we are back to business as usual with Apple Rumors again. Whats the point of news if it doesn't effect change? What good are you as a reporter if you ignore the reality of what your colleagues report on? Apple has committed serious offenses but hey, lets move it aside because there might be an iPad 3! It's a known fact now that when Apple launches a new product, the months before it launches, those workers are pushed to the brink of death to get it out "in time". (I put in time in quotes because such time frames are only set by apple to ensure they make as much as possible each quarter, regardless of who it seems to hurt.) Yet none of that is touched on in your little rumors story. Those people, who would rather die than suffer another grueling day of life building iCrap, can't even get a mention in your story. Even though their suffering seems too tragic to ignore, you seem to be doing your best to do just that. And for what? The excitement of a RUMOR? Please be better at your job because responsible news is falling by the wayside.

In response Apple has released a listing of its charitable donations, totalling 50 million dollars! WOW. If only they'd use that to offset the "cost" of treating chinese workers fairly. Or GOD FORBID they spend another 50 million from their 100 billion profit margin to do both! Fucking cocksuckers.

Linked below is the NYT story. Read it and don't be like huffpo. Remember, especially when you go shopping.

Apple products as bad as blood diamonds.

Dream a little dream

I had a dream I took some friends to a goth club to show them whats up. As soon as we walk in, I'm telling them about it all and then I stop and look over my shoulder, as if I hear something familiar. I become drawn to something, and ask my friends if they hear it too but they state they just hear the music. As I tread deeper into the club I begin to speak less. My friends call to me but I can't hear them and I become catatonic as I now begin to float through the room, my tiptoes dragging along the dance floor. Bodies thrust and shake as Bauhaus blares around me and lights flicker to the music. I seem to be moving towards a large chair atop a pillar of sinewy black vine. Around it are three sirens of different subculture calling to me. I rise in the air and am placed among them and as I do, I change. My irises become as dark as my pupils, the l.a. sun tan melts from my skin leaving me provocatively pale, and my funny aqua shirt, and neon shoes turn black. My friends look on in shock and as I seem to come out of it, I look on them, and grin. My perspective changed from my point of view to third person, but when I grin I do so Its at this point I wake up with a dry mouth and as I get a glass of water I think about my dream, and I LIKED it. >=)

Friday, July 15, 2011

Kat Von D is a racist, or at least one in secret.

Recently TLC has began running promos for the new season of LA Ink, the first season to include Kat Von D's new "soulmate" Jesse James. This got some of our more investigatory Action Rangers to thinking, and put together a piece that sadly proves something many of us didn't want to believe. Some of us, didn't want to believe because shes a female in charge and thus a kind of role model, others because they are also tattoo enthusiasts, and others simply because Kat Von D is super hot, and don't want to yank it to a nazi. Yes, that's right, a Nazi. Read on to see what has been deduced.

Deductive reasoning dictates that a pattern is the strongest proof towards the truth. Now in 2008 Kat Von D was accused of giving the Jewish Ami James a head shot with a swastika and a burning Star of David and it read, "Burn in hell jewbag." She denies ever writing it, but Miami Ink artist Chris Garver stated that Kat Von D herself handed him the head shot to give to Ami. After Ami received it, he requested TLC investigate and they say they did and found no evidence she did it. The specifics of their "investigation" were never made public, but comparisons to other autographs of hers find enough similarities to determine she did indeed author the hate speech. So did TLC do an investigation, or did they just take her at her word because her new show was set to premiere just one month later, which means it would have already been sold to advertisers and pulling it would have meant sending back A LOT of checks. We may never know.

Now time has passed and Kat's show thrived along with her popularity and the photo was all but forgotten, but THEN she begins dating one Jesse James. A man who has also been accused of being a secret nazi/white supremacist/etc. In 2010 a photo surfaced of Jesse James wearing a gestapo hat and giving the heil sign with one arm, while using his other hand to give himself a hitler mustache. He states it was a "joke", but to whom is the joke intended? What is the punchline? What part of any of it was meant to be funny?

Within weeks of his photo scandal, Jesse James himself admitted to cheating on his wife, Sandra Bullock, with Michelle Mcgee. A self professed "alt model", she ALSO denies being a nazi of any sort, though DOES admit to believing that antisemitism, concluding she doesn't consider it the same thing nor that its even a form of bigotry. She has also taken photos in a gestapo hat AND a nazi armband, lists mein kamph as one of her favorite books, has WP tattooed on her legs, AND an iron eagle and swastika tattooed near her nether regions. If that's not enough, her ex-husband claimed that she is in-fact a white power supporter.

White supremacists hiding their affiliations isn't a new practice. Since the downfall of the third reich and the waning of the KKK, supporters found themselves more and more ostracized, so in order to spare themselves the scorn their beliefs produce, many would hide in plain site like cowards. The german government recently published a paper on over 140 new symbols nazi sympathizers are using to hide themselves in plain site. Sadly in America, more of these types can be found on some within the punk and rockabilly communities due to some of those styles and music being adopted by white power supporters. This is NOT to say the entirety of these communities shouldn't be trusted or are hiding anything, but it's like the old saying goes, "It's not that all priests are pedophiles, it's that pedophiles are becoming priests."

So is it easy to speculate that those in the public eye, with more to lose if their unfavorable beliefs were brought to light, would deny them and hide them in order to keep their status-quo? Yes, yes it is. People are capable of doing a lot more to protect a lot less. Is it mere coincidence that these three people, who all deny being nazi-lovers of any sort, have their lives intertwined and have so much evidence against them? Is it fair to use association as evidence against them all? Yes, yes it is. Association proves pattern, pattern establishes motive, and motive dictates truth.

SO in conclusion it can be positively stated that Yes, Kat Von D is more than likely a nazi sympathizer, white power supporter, and general ignorant sack of shit. Are her beliefs illegal? No. Are they awful and ignorant and just plain wrong in any sense of the word? Yes. Regardless, we may never get a full fledged confession because like all secret sympathizers, she doesn't want anyone to know it, for fear she would lose her fans, her show, her shop, her sponsorships, her endorsements, and all the money they produce.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Fuck You DC

After our sabbatical in an ashram in Dwarka, we returned at peace with the universe, ready to begin anew with less rage over the worlds ills. ONLY TO HAVE DC PULL SOME BULLSHIT.

As many know DC has two toys lines. One called "DC Direct" and one called "DC Universe". Why the two opposing lines? To rip you the fuck off, that's why!

The Dc Universe line has garnered much acclaim in its 16 runs, with it's detail, obscure characters, and build-a-figures, BUT has been criticized for sometimes repeating some figures by DC Direct. So, what does DC do to quell this type of chatter? Just run with it, copy an entire fucking line, and hope you're too stupid to realize that you already bought it.

Many a loyal customers have anxiously awaited Series 17. Hoping to see their favorite characters, curious to see which c-list heroes get a shot, and excited about the NEW build-a-figure. Well over this holiday weekend those hopes were dashed like a kid at Christmas who just got the same present as last year.

Take a look.

We admit it's hard to mess up Wonder Woman, but why does The Atom look like a tribal elder one minute, and then a 70s disco club dancer the next? Or Lex Luthor who smiles like hes possessed by the crystalline orange ring of avarice, only to then look like a jello mold with a dolls head stuck on top. Though, our "favorite" is Scarecrow, who goes from looking creepy and awesome to looking like he just got tazed. So yeah, thanks DC, for half-assing it all the way to the bank. Pricks.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Parents demand government save them from their own kids

Zevo-3 Skechers Cartoon: FCC Asked To Block New Series

NEW YORK — An advocacy group on Tuesday asked the Federal Communications Commission to block a soon-to-debut TV cartoon show starring characters first created to market Skechers footwear to children.

Unless banned, the group said, the show could pave the way for Ronald McDonald, Tony the Tiger and other iconic cartoon pitchmen to become stars of their own series – potentially inundating children's television with what amounted to full-length commercials. (were these group members Amish before and just NEVER saw a TV until they saw this cartoon commercial?)

The complaint was filed with the FCC by the Boston-based Campaign for a Commercial Free Childhood, targeting a series called "Zevo-3" that's scheduled to premiere Oct. 11 on the cable network Nicktoons. Its three teenage, super-powered heroes – tasked to save New Eden City from evil monsters – have previously appeared in comic books and TV ads promoting Skechers' line of children's shoes.

The main characters "are walking and talking advertisements for specific lines of Skechers shoes," said the complaint. It depicted "Zevo-3" as "the first children's television program starring characters that are known to children only as commercial logos and spokescharacters."

Specifically, the complaint said the half-hour show would violate a federal requirement in the Children's Television Act that that no cable TV operator shall air more than 12 minutes of commercial matter per hour during children's programming. The show also would violate the FCC's requirement of a clear separation between commercial content and programming matter, the complaint said.

Kristen Van Cott, co-executive producer of "Zevo-3" and a senior vice president of Skechers Entertainment, said she and her colleagues had worked hard to ensure the show conforms with FCC provisions and were confident it would air on schedule.

"Skechers Entertainment is tremendously proud of 'Zevo-3,'" she said in a statement. "It's a fun, action-packed and beautifully animated series."

There are no overt pitches for Skechers' products in the cartoons, and Van Cott said the plot lines "often reflect issues that kids deal with on a daily basis – from peer pressure and bullying to relationships with family and friends."

A spokesman for Nicktoons, David Bittler, responded concisely to the complaint: "This show does not violate the Children's Television Act."

Susan Linn, director of the Campaign for a Commercial Free Childhood, said she did not know what timetable the FCC might set for considering the complaint.

"It's our hope they'll act quickly and decisively," she said. "We believe that the show violates several of the few existing rules we have to protect children from over-commercialization." (more like protect parents from nagging kids. So lazy.)

According to background in the complaint, there were plans back in the early 1990s for children's TV shows based on commercial spokescharacters – one that would have featured Chester Cheetah, who pitched Frito-Lay products, and another that would have starred Cheesasaurus Rex, a cheese-colored dinosaur who appeared in ads for Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. Plans for both shows were dropped after an advocacy coalition raised objections with the FCC. (WTF! I could have been watching a badass cheesasaurus rex cartoon! You Bastards!)

"Now Skechers and Nicktoons are attempting to escalate commercialization on children's television," the complaint said. "If they are successful, we can expect other companies to follow suit. (So. Deal with it. Its spelled N.O. Try it, unless you just GIVE your kids full access to your bank account?)

"A McDonald's show featuring Ronald McDonald, a Burger King show featuring the King, a Kellogg show featuring Tony the Tiger these are just some the possible children's television programs we may see in the future." (I used to have the Ronald Mcdonald cartoon halloween special on VHS and you know what? I STILL get excited when happy meal trick or treat buckets come out every year.)

The three heroes of "Zevo-3" – Z-Strap, Elastika and Kewl Breeze – were created by Skechers several year ago to promote sales of shoes to children, and each is linked to a particular shoe.

"For children, these characters have become the embodiment of the shoe lines they represent," said the complaint. "So much so that retailers report that kids often ask for a shoe by character name rather than the shoe model." (Yes PLEASE U.S. Government, Its not enough to save them from junk food and uneducational cartoons, you must also save them from the SHOES!)

Back in the olden days, cartoon characters used to hawk their advertisers products right on air. PLUS really popular characters got their OWN products. I used to eat super mario/zelda cereal. It was two cereals in one box separated right down the middle. It is bsolutely abhorrent when parents do this. They pull this defenseless, "woe is me" garbage, because if the government doesn't ban something, then OMG their kid might ASK for whatever that something is! Then what on earth will the parents do?! Hmmm how about SAY NO!”

Sunday, May 16, 2010

The VPAR Civil War

This post has little to do with the news of the day but more so to do with the issues we face internally here due to what I consider to be a bane to the existence of humanity itself; Apple. Now I as current President of The V.P.A.R. used to work for the company and so every time they come out with a new product, I'm reminded of those days when we would spend countless hours trained on how we were the best and everything else was shit. That's the Apple model. If its not Apple, its not worth wiping your ass with. Pretty egotistical but that's how they like it. But I digress.

Some of our Action Rangers are fervent Apple supporters, while others are vehement Apple detractors. This argument has raged since our group was founded and never more so has the argument gotten so heated as when the iPad debuted. Now as current president I have pulled rank and have posted in the past on how Apple, especially the iPad, suck.

Despite the post, I choose not to get into arguments with fellow Action Rangers on the topic because as Ive told them, they treat Apple like a religion. When they ask to clarify I make this point, a point I have made ad nauseum, including just recently in relation to this story.

“Religion is simply defined as having a strong belief or faith in something that can not be proven. Faith is described as belief in something that normal reason would stand against. Apple cultists buy apple products when normal reason and fact tell them that there are better, less expensive, and less imposing products available. So it is absolutely right in stating that Apple super fans are religious.”
Despite this argument, my fellow VPAR, who are apple-ites, disagree. Well here for my own pleasure, thanks to the rank I hold, are some more bits of evidence that Apple-ites are infact, cultists. It's nothing big, nothing spectacular, just some back and forth on a news item about how Steve Jobs emailed Gawker writer Ryan Tate and the two got into it over the future of technology.


“the iPad is just a gimmicky piece of junk that is nothing more than another way for you to buy stuff from itunes and the apps store. It doesn't have the functionality or power of a laptop, or the mobility of a 4G phone. It's literally in a class by itself because its a class that doesn't need to exist. There's a reason why similar tablets have been getting canceled left and right. The only thing it revolutionizes is a new way for you to be fooled into buying more stuff from Apple and deluded into thinking your on the cusp of technology. Piece. Of. Junk.”

Reply from cultist 1:

“Name a book reader that comes close.”

My response:

“Your argument is based on the idea that book readers are something wanted, akin to that of laptops and high end cell phones. They absolutely are not. Phone and laptop technology moves forward regardless. Book readers are a choice. One many people wouldn't ever want to make at all because there wasn't really anything wrong with the design of the book. Its not like millions of americans were dying under the weight of their vast libraries. Try again.”

Reply from cultist 2:

“Gee...then don't buy one. But the people who have bought one don't really give a s.hite what you think.”

Ooooh, smarmy little fucker isn't he? My reply to Apple-ite 2:

“Of course they don't care. Obviously anyone who buys one is either not smart enough to know they've been had, or are apple cultists who don't have the ability to see reason. My problem is with Steve Jobs and how his push forward is pointless, consumerist garbage. He is literally making technology, the future, and the world, worse. But your a fan his and his junk so like you said, you wont care because like I said, your not too smart and can't see reason.”

Lets see what happens now when my fellow Rangers read this absolutely benign, self serving, inconsequential, nerdgasm of a post. In conclusion, I get it. Apple products are like childrens toys. Bright and shiny and sleek and futurist looking. They are designed that way. Designed to feed your base instincts for something "better", even if it only LOOKS better. If I had money to waste I might pick up a macbook, or a G5. But most people don't. In the end my point is this. To all of the die hard Apple cultists. It's a fucking handheld store. Get over it, and yourself, because it's not the future.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled posts. Hazza!