Sunday, May 16, 2010

The VPAR Civil War

This post has little to do with the news of the day but more so to do with the issues we face internally here due to what I consider to be a bane to the existence of humanity itself; Apple. Now I as current President of The V.P.A.R. used to work for the company and so every time they come out with a new product, I'm reminded of those days when we would spend countless hours trained on how we were the best and everything else was shit. That's the Apple model. If its not Apple, its not worth wiping your ass with. Pretty egotistical but that's how they like it. But I digress.

Some of our Action Rangers are fervent Apple supporters, while others are vehement Apple detractors. This argument has raged since our group was founded and never more so has the argument gotten so heated as when the iPad debuted. Now as current president I have pulled rank and have posted in the past on how Apple, especially the iPad, suck.

Despite the post, I choose not to get into arguments with fellow Action Rangers on the topic because as Ive told them, they treat Apple like a religion. When they ask to clarify I make this point, a point I have made ad nauseum, including just recently in relation to this story.

“Religion is simply defined as having a strong belief or faith in something that can not be proven. Faith is described as belief in something that normal reason would stand against. Apple cultists buy apple products when normal reason and fact tell them that there are better, less expensive, and less imposing products available. So it is absolutely right in stating that Apple super fans are religious.”
Despite this argument, my fellow VPAR, who are apple-ites, disagree. Well here for my own pleasure, thanks to the rank I hold, are some more bits of evidence that Apple-ites are infact, cultists. It's nothing big, nothing spectacular, just some back and forth on a news item about how Steve Jobs emailed Gawker writer Ryan Tate and the two got into it over the future of technology.


“the iPad is just a gimmicky piece of junk that is nothing more than another way for you to buy stuff from itunes and the apps store. It doesn't have the functionality or power of a laptop, or the mobility of a 4G phone. It's literally in a class by itself because its a class that doesn't need to exist. There's a reason why similar tablets have been getting canceled left and right. The only thing it revolutionizes is a new way for you to be fooled into buying more stuff from Apple and deluded into thinking your on the cusp of technology. Piece. Of. Junk.”

Reply from cultist 1:

“Name a book reader that comes close.”

My response:

“Your argument is based on the idea that book readers are something wanted, akin to that of laptops and high end cell phones. They absolutely are not. Phone and laptop technology moves forward regardless. Book readers are a choice. One many people wouldn't ever want to make at all because there wasn't really anything wrong with the design of the book. Its not like millions of americans were dying under the weight of their vast libraries. Try again.”

Reply from cultist 2:

“Gee...then don't buy one. But the people who have bought one don't really give a s.hite what you think.”

Ooooh, smarmy little fucker isn't he? My reply to Apple-ite 2:

“Of course they don't care. Obviously anyone who buys one is either not smart enough to know they've been had, or are apple cultists who don't have the ability to see reason. My problem is with Steve Jobs and how his push forward is pointless, consumerist garbage. He is literally making technology, the future, and the world, worse. But your a fan his and his junk so like you said, you wont care because like I said, your not too smart and can't see reason.”

Lets see what happens now when my fellow Rangers read this absolutely benign, self serving, inconsequential, nerdgasm of a post. In conclusion, I get it. Apple products are like childrens toys. Bright and shiny and sleek and futurist looking. They are designed that way. Designed to feed your base instincts for something "better", even if it only LOOKS better. If I had money to waste I might pick up a macbook, or a G5. But most people don't. In the end my point is this. To all of the die hard Apple cultists. It's a fucking handheld store. Get over it, and yourself, because it's not the future.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled posts. Hazza!

Monday, May 10, 2010

Danny Shea is a lying petty douchebag

My time flies when you try and change the course of the world. Some of the things going on have been so overwhelming some of our members wonder, why bother? Even I succumbed to this feeling of dread. Between the inaction by our government, Obama being middle to right on most of this policies, including supporting offshore drilling before AND after the BP spill, and Net neutrality taking a gut punch. It's been a tough road. But then something, snapped. Something made us realize that letting it weigh on us is lame, as we many Action Rangers gather for the very reason of not just taking it, but rather of standing united and saying, "Oh thats how you SAY its going to be? Well fuck you too!" Our voices will be heard and we start again today! Our linchpin was a fucker over at Huffpo named Danny Shea. Now so incredulous and bullshit ridden were Danny's comments that we just couldn't take it anymore. It literally was the last pile of crap we were willing to shovel our way through. We wrote a letter to the editor so to speak and we will place it here for you now. First though, some backstory. Danny "Im a Lying Asshole" Shea posting a "winners of the week" section on the Media Tab of huffpo he edits in which he wrote this about Conan O Brien,

Conan O'Brien
Finally able to make his case, Conan broke his silence on "60 Minutes" — and delivered ratings to boot. And he effectively got his message across: he's a good Catholic boy who would never have done that to Leno.

Can you sense the tone Danny Shea is setting? Oh but it didn't end there. Danny Shea also thought it prudent to get some help from a fellow misanthropic tool named Daniel Frankel who posted some information on the ratings concerning Conans 60 Minutes interview.

Conan O’Brien’s post-“Tonight Show” whine on “60 Minutes” helped spark CBS to a win in total viewers Sunday night, but it was the buoyancy of “Desperate Housewives” that gave ABC the victory in the all-important adults 18-49 demo.

Here’s a look at the ratings highlights:

‘HEARTBROKEN’… BUT WITH $32 MILLION: O’Brien’s exclusive interview bumped “60 Minutes” 38 percent week to week to a 2.2 rating/8 share in adults 18-49 and 13 million viewers. That was still 12 percent below “60 Minutes’” season average, however.

Notice it being called a whine, and the headline making a point to note that I guess its impossible to be heartbroken when you have money? Obviously Shea doesn't like Conan but this next bit of fake bullshit takes the cake. Somehow Conan also makes the "Losers of the Week" and with literally NO facts behind it other than what Danny Shea pulled out of his ass. Read on.

"Yes, he made his case on "60 Minutes" — but it may have backfired. The more time he spends complaining about how Big Bad Leno stole the "Tonight Show" from him, the less America remembers why they loved him on it...and the less they look forward to his launch this fall on TBS. Plus, NBC made a splash by saying that he lied during the "60 Minutes" interview."
This was the "Are you fucking kidding me?!" moment here at VPAR headquarters. Which prompted this letter to Danny Shea and Huffpo on his job performance, to say the least.

Why are you so impossibly bad at your simple job of editing a web page? I am seriously asking you that. On what basis do you think that Conan's one interview may have backfired? What poll numbers do you have that show people won't look forward to his TBS debut because of his ONE interview? How can people possibly be tired of hearing him talk about it after one interview to begin with? Who told you America loves him less, the more he gives insight on one of the biggest entertainment stories of the year? You literally have to be making this up as you go along and I'm asking at what point did you decide that being a huffpo editor meant you didn't have to do your job well.

What proof do you have, as a supposed journalist, that it wasn't NBC lying to save face and not Conan who was? Also, why the mean spirited dig at Conan's religion? What is it you have against Conan anyway? Because of how much money he made? Are all you "media" writers so jaded that the concept of someone in show business standing up for something more important than themselves is lost on you? Does it make you uncomfortable that someone isn't as petty as you, so you have to tear them down?

What I love is how you completely ignore Jay's role in all this. Jay wouldn't have stood by and let NBC try to bump the Tonight Show when he wasn't doing well. For a year Letterman beat Leno when he debuted The Late Show, and NBC never once tried to bring Johnny back for a half hour. Even if NBC did, Johnny wouldn't have taken it, because he wasn't the type to cut off a guys knees like that. Conan made the mistake in believing that the previous Tonight Show host would stand with him in not letting the Tonight Show be shuffled around like some mid-season sitcom. Leno took it without any regard, and then played it off like nothing is his fault. Like I said, I love how you seem to ignore all of this.

As far as the late night mess, what happened happened. Nothing can change it now. But when I go to a trusted news site I want news, not your made up speculation garbage, so I ask again, what about Conan makes you want to purposefully be bad at your job? Huffpo is moving quickly into being the number one online news source and if you can't act like a professional then why be there?
We hope this finds Danny well and that the next time he decides to make up garbage for the sake of his own pathetic ego, he'll remember hes a journalist and should act accordingly. Until next time, we remain your guide to all things awesome and the light on all things full of crap. <3