Tuesday, September 29, 2009

why there will never be a live action pokemon movie.

The question has been posed more than once, wondering if there will ever be a live-action pokemon movie. And why not? It's an established franchise, it is an incredibly profitable brand with popularity that stretches all over the globe. It's characters are household names to young and old. Why the very word pokemon has taken its place in the universal lexicon. This franchise is just BEGGING for the big screen treatment isn't it?

NO. NO it isn't. And thank god for it. To anyone who has ever taken more than just a passing glance at the pokemon themselves, they'd notice that pokemon are WEIRD looking. Weird is the nicest of words. A kind of weird that when a digital animator tries to re-create them to real world specs, would cause him to shoot himself in the face.

Words like freaky, odd, or insane come to mind. Phrases like acid trip, or unstable mental capacity spring up too. Sure in the cartoon and game they're cute and adorable and fun and catching them all easily becomes an addiction but to try and make them real? Weeelll the hurdles the pokemon creators made for themselves might just be too arduous. Here's some examples.

Here's a Pikachu. Which looks like it puts on makeup every morning.

Heres a Lugia. Actually this looks kind of cool, maybe the next one will too.

Ok...nevermind...Imagine the hell created by a charmander skittering about with its tail on fire. Insurance companies wouldn't even cover you if you trained one.

Here's a cubone who when made to look life-like, is the only pokemon who murders some other animal in order to use its bones as weapons and armor. No that won't scare kids at all.

Ah metapod. Literally a bug cocoon with eyes...staring at you...constantly...it won't stop...please make it stop!

Whew glad thats over. Ok here's a beedr..JESUS CHRIST!! Kill it! Kill it!!

Is..is it gone? ok, *whew* here is a vulpix. Which basically in real life looks more like something a toxic waste dump would try to cover-up than a fantastical animal.

Ok next we have, oh jeez!
I don't know what this is, it isn't mine, someone must of mixed it up..who put this here?! Moving on moving on..

Here is a mudkips. Adorable if you enjoy tracks of slime all over the place.

So cute....

A kyogore. Try catching that shit.

O_O ....BWWAAAARGGGHHLPPH! uh ahuh...this is, this is a weezi..BLOOORRPLHKCH!

Oh thank god. A shaymin. Ok this is do-able. This could be in a movie.

And heres an umbreon. Though quite frankly in real life, this would probably eat the shaymin.

Heres a tauros. Which isn't that offensive though im sure one of the movie tie-ins would be "tauros burgers" served at mcdonalds.

A pidgey. This one actually looks like a real, normal bird. Maybe this could actually work ou...


Ok so it should be clear a live action pokemon movie should NEVER happen...EVER.

But that doesn't mean pokemon can't branch out into other areas!


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